I listed every instance of male violence I have been subjected to from birth to 30.

17th March 2021

My name is Jessica. I am 30 years old. That’s me in the picture. I decided to try to write down every memory I have of being subjected to male violence since I was born.

I am a chartered psychologist with a PhD in forensic psychology. I grew up in a working class town on a council estate in a pretty regular family.

In this blog, I am simply going to list every instance I can remember of harassment, assault, abuse, threats, violence, rape and harm from men and boys.

The purpose of this personal post is not for sympathy or for support.

The purpose of this post is to show that I am 100% sure that if every woman I knew sat down and thought about every instance of male violence they were ever subjected to, they would have a long list. Our lists would look different and also very similar. Whether it’s catcalling or sexual abuse, women and girls live every day trying to protect themselves from male violence in ways that men have never even had to consider.

Having written this list, I’ve realised that even as I’ve aged and moved into safeguarding and academia, male violence is still prevalent. You’ll notice that the perpetrators change from strangers on the street to men in my field of work.

It goes without saying that this is very uncomfortable to read. The sheer scale of it will be difficult for many of you. Please consider this a serious content and trigger warning for male violence.

Every experience of male violence I have ever had by 30 years old

9 years old: An older boy at my new school put his hand up my skirt

9 years old: Same older boy threw coins at me on the playground and told me to suck his dick whilst I sat on the floor crying

11 years old: Male family member threw me up against cupboard and broke my wrist because I ducked his drunk punch and he was furious

11 years old: Fireman who lived on our road exposed himself to me and my friend

11 years old: Fireman seriously sexually assaulted me behind garages a few weeks later

11 years old: Family friend tried to sexually assault me in living room whilst parents were in kitchen – shouted for parents

12 years old: 16yo boy pressured me to give him oral sex several times (usually I was given drugs)

12 years old: 16yo boy and 19yo man gave me drugs and made me take clothes off

12 years old: Same 16 yo boy raped me and then mocked me for crying in pain – told everyone I was pathetic/frigid

12 years old: Catcalled from moving car on way to the summer fayre

12 years old: Groomed and sexually abused daily by 25 year old man on our street for 6 months

12 years old: Boy threw me to the floor at a party

13 years old: Builder working on our house sexually harasses me every day for a week

13 years old: In family pub with parents when a man stabbed another man in the eye right in front of me. This caused a brawl where 10-15 men smashed the pub up whilst I was trapped on the floor. I collapsed from the shock/trauma. Family member dragged me unconscious to safety through broken glass and furniture causing injury to my legs and arms. Woke up with paramedics.

13 years old: Music teacher said he liked my legs in tights – reported but no action

13 years old: Waiter on family holiday sexually threatens me and harasses me for 2 weeks solid until we went home

13 years old: Given alcohol and drugs by older boys and men frequently

13 years old: Picked up by men in cars and given drugs and alcohol with other girls

13 years old: Beginning of 5 year ‘relationship’ with abuser and rapist (one of the older boys in the group)

13-15 years old: A lot of emotional abuse and control, isolation, drugs, alcohol, controlling friends, checking my phone etc

14 years old: Regularly sexually assaulted by club bouncers who let underage girls in, if you stood still whilst they sexually assault you at the door

14 years old: Boy at school put a cigarette out on my hand and held me there until it burned deeper ‘as a joke’

14-16 years old: Regularly catcalled and followed by men on the way to school and on the way home

14 years old: Attacked by local man in alleyway, strangled me and threatened me (the next year, he went on to be convicted of attempted murder of another local schoolgirl who he attacked her with meat cleaver at the summer fayre)

14 years old: Taken to middle of nowhere in pyjamas and no shoes and left there in the night by abuser. Walked home alone, barefoot.

14 years old: Sexual images of me were shared with a large group of adult men

15 years old: Pushed out of moving car

15 years old: Suckerpunched and knocked out by 28 year old man in front of other men at a car rally as ‘a joke’

15 years old: Thrown in front of a moving car in city centre by abuser. Driver performs emergency stop before running me over. Driver didn’t dare get out to help me.

16 years old: Beaten up regularly by abuser (he was 18-19 years old by now)

16 years old: Raped whilst abuser pressed large scissors to the side of my neck

16 years old: Abuser pins me to wall and strangled me until I gave him my debit card with my wages. Two of his friends watch and say nothing.

16 years old: Drugged by abuser and other 28 year old man and then raped whilst unconscious by both men

16 years old: In his car with abuser, when 28 year old man deliberately ran his ex girlfriend over and left her in street. Threatened to never tell anyone what I saw.

16 years old: Forced to clean oven with sharp knife held across my throat by abuser

16 years old: Pushed down stairs by abuser, miscarried pregnancy, first ever hospital attendance

16 years old: Abuser took all my clothes and shoes, put them all in bath of bleach so I couldn’t dress or leave house

16 years old: Abuser snapped mobile phone in half and destroyed all childhood items and photo albums

16 years old: Abuser threw glass vase at me and then dragged me through broken glass and cut my legs open with the glass

16-18 years old: Abuser regularly smashed entire house up and then made me clean it up in front of him

16 years old: Area manager at work tried to pay me to have sex with him at a conference, when I refused and told him he was disgusting, he sacked me

16 years old: Abuser steals my bank card and spends my whole month salary in strip club in one night

17 years old: Pregnant again by abuser within a few months

17 years old: Forced to perform sex acts whilst pregnant whilst being called fat, ugly, disgusting etc.

17 years old: Abuser drove car into oncoming traffic to try to kill me and unborn baby

17 years old: Frequent threats to kill me and unborn baby

17 years old: Raped a few days after baby is born, all episiotomy stitches ripped out causing severe bleeding and injury – treatment needed but didn’t disclose to nurses

17 years old: Items thrown at me

17 years old: Regularly raped post-partum

17 years old: When baby cries in night, abuser keeps jug of water next to bed and pours it over my face whilst I sleep to wake me up and make me see to baby and feed/change

17 years old: Regularly catcalled whilst pushing pram on walks with baby

17 years old: Spat at in street for being ‘disgusting teen mum’

18 years old: Punched in back of the head and head butted oven door due to impact

18 years old: Abuser threw water over me whilst I was using electrical appliance to try to electrocute me

18 years old: Tell abuser it is over

18 years old: Abuser attacks me a couple of weeks later, headbutts me, throws me over dining table whilst holding baby, disclocated my shoulder, throws large set of keys at my head, I ring 999 whilst lying on the floor (first police contact)

18 years old: Abuser charged with 13 sexual and violent offences, denies them all

18 years old: Whilst on bail, abuser sends 47 death threats detailing the ways he will kill me and what he will do with my body – police ignore

18 years old: Abuser kicks front door in to come in a attempt to kill me – police ignore

18 years old: Abuser sits most nights and throws stones at my bedroom window to intimidate me and stop me sleeping – police ignore and tell me to ‘stop tattle taling on him’

18 years old: Abuser texts me at night telling me what I am wearing or what I am watching on TV as he is hiding in garden or looking through windows. Calls to police almost every night. Police attend once, find him in garden. He tells them he is a police officer and they BELIEVE HIM. I tell them he is lying and he works in construction. They warn me not to report him again.

18 years old: Abuser convinces everyone that I am mentally ill

18 years old: Abuser turns up drunk to my place of work and abuses my managers and me – police ignore it

18 years old: Abuser and friend call my place of work and maliciously report that I have been selling credit card details to men in pubs. Luckily my manager recognised their voices from the incident earlier in the month. My computer was still investigated. Was found to be malicious.

18 years old: Abuser given access to baby. Abuser turns up at my place of work, abandons baby in car park, throws nappies and food all over work car park and leaves. Security at my workplace bring me my baby and my things whilst I am at work in call centre having watched him on CCTV – police ignore it

18 years old: Abuser reports to social services that I am incapable of caring for my baby and that I am addicted to heroin – social services investigate and then NFA as malicious

18 years old: Abuser goes to give bouquets of flowers to my parents and grandparents and tells them he’s innocent and I’m mentally ill

18 years old: Abuser stalks me everywhere, follows me in his car as I walk with pram – police ignore it

18 years old: Abuser threatens suicide regularly

18 years old: Abuser gets hold of me and whispers that he enjoyed every rape and every time he beat me up – laughs at me that he will never be convicted

18 years old: Abuser sends me song lyrics and songs about abusing or killing me and how much he misses hurting me every day

18 years old: Abuser claims he’s been falsely accused and is being alienated from his child deliberately – pretty much everyone believes him and many people try to convince me to drop charges and to give him access to baby

18 years old: Taxi driver helped me in with baby and grocery shopping and then locked my door behind him and tried to rape me in the kitchen – screamed and fought until he left. Reported to taxi company, local authority licensing and police but NFA.

18 years old: Man in stag do in bar ripped my shirt open as I walked past and then punched me in the jaw for saying I wasn’t interested in him

18 years old: Guy I knew from school deliberately put his cigarette out on my leg whilst I was talking to him and held me there whilst it burned

18 years old: Went to bank to ask for overdraft but bank manager said no. I cried and explained I had been abused and was struggling etc. He was kind. Text me 20 mins later saying he would give me rent money and overdraft in cash if I would sleep with him.

18 years old: Left area due to death threats and safety concerns

19 years old: Abuser pays man at Royal Mail to give him my mail redirection address – Royal Mail investigate and give him a written warning

19 years old: Abuser sends group of men to my new address to attack me

19 years old: Abuser abducts baby and disappears – call police but they say it’s not a crime

19 years old: Abuser stalks my social media and creates fake accounts to send abuse and threats – Police say it’s not a crime

19 years old: Abuser calls and texts frequently during police investigation with abuse and threats, police ignore every single report and tell me to call Samaritans

19 years old: Catcalled walking up a hill with pram by two men in van

19 years old: Catcalled walking past petrol station by 4 men in convertible

19 years old: Threatened in a bar for telling man I wasn’t interested in him

22 years old: A man verbally abused me for telling him I wasn’t interested in him and called me a ‘fat ugly slag’ moments after saying he wanted to fuck me

22 years old: Two men drinking on the steps of the town hall shouted sexually abusive comments at me as I got into my car after a meeting

23 years old: I am assaulted for reporting a safeguarding concern. I have stitches in my face and gums. Police officer on duty attends my address, threatens to ‘smash my face in’ if I continued with a complaint against his family member for ABH – says he knows everything about me etc. Another office is present with him and blocks my exit from room whilst other officer threatens me to drop charges

23 years old: Report officer to police force who tell me it never happened even though I had names and badge numbers

24 years old: Male ex partner throws mug full of hot tea at me

24 years old: Sent dick pic by male professional on LinkedIn

24 years old: Male ex partner throws me to floor in argument and then leaves the house

25 years old: Man in a bar bit me on the shoulder for saying I wasn’t interested in him

25 years old: Man drove up to me and screamed abuse at me whilst I sat in my parked car waiting to pick my kids up from school. Then he drove off.

25 years old: Man on internet sends me pics of myself that he has wanked over and cut my head off in each pic

25-26 years old: Stalked and harassed for almost 2 years by male professional in safeguarding whom I’ve never met or spoken to who disagrees with my work

26 years old: Sexually assaulted and pinned to wall by male stranger in a bar who wouldn’t take no for an answer

26 years old: Male academic sent me abuse because he doesn’t agree with my views and then tagged loads of pro- paedophile accounts to give me more abuse which lasted weeks

27 years old: Tommy Robinson tagged me in a post which went viral and encouraged his followers to abuse me. Received upwards of 5000 threats including death and rape threats. All of my accounts were trolled for about 3 weeks.

27 years old: Male professional in safeguarding threatened to kill me for reporting him to police for harassment after he stole my work and sold the documents on. Shared a public image of me from a holiday and claimed I had privately sent it to him.

27 years old: Sent sexual messages by a Priest on LinkedIn

27 years old: Hotel staff member helps me to my room with laptop and bags. Sits on bed and refuses to leave. Tried to come on to me. Wouldn’t leave my bed. Shouted for help.

28 years old: Male ex partner opened back doors to my vehicle and started throwing my belongings on the driveway, punched my vehicle and then opened the door to my moving vehicle as I drove into the road and tried to pull me out of the driver seat

29 years old: Trolled by MRA and alt-right movement when my book was published. Received over 10,000 abusive messages, rape and death threats over 5 day period. Reported to police, initial response was that it was my own fault for being a public figure.

29 years old: MRA activists hack my computer – police take it for investigation

29 years old: Man sends explicit threat about injuries he wanted to cause to me with weapons

29 years old: Man in Canada writes violent, abusive and homophobic articles about me for alt-right magazine

30 years old: A man stole my holiday photos and sold them online, pretending to be me posing as a sex worker for men. One of the men who bought images of me decided to tell me what had happened.

25-present: Due to being in public eye, I receive on average 3 threatening or abusive emails or messages from men per week

Okay. So that’s everything I can think of for now.

That’s 108 incidents I can remember after 2 hours of thinking and writing.

In terms of how many actual crimes have been committed in acts of male violence towards me since I was born, it’s probably thousands.

I’m not alone here. I’m not an outlier. I don’t believe there are any women who have never been abused, groped, catcalled, harassed, raped, assaulted, threatened or harmed by men and boys. Male violence is just too common for that to be possible. Even women who have been lucky enough to have never been raped or abused will definitely have been sexually harassed, sent inappropriate messages or catcalled as a girl. For example, a recent study in the UK found that 97% of women 18-25 have been sexually harassed. That’s a huge number. That’s almost every woman.

We need to have this conversation, and we need to have it now. Or yesterday. Or in the 1960s when feminists highlighted it, and were ignored and ridiculed.

One of the interests I have in this topic is that all of the academic theories of ‘revictimisation’ suggest that male violence only happens to women and girls who are vulnerable or precipitate the crime in some way.

I am of the opinion that if all women say down and completed this written exercise, they would each have so many experiences of male violence, that the theories of revictimisation would cease to make sense. Instead of repeat victimisation of women and girls being something about the individual woman or girl, we would find that male violence is so common in our communities that it’s hard NOT to be a victim of male violence.

Being female in a patriarchy is our so-called vulnerability.

If you wanted to do this exercise yourself, please don’t feel that you have to share it or share the number of incidents you can remember. It’s not useful for everyone and it can be very traumatic for those who are not ready or able to think about the scale of male violence committed against them.

However, if you have read this and think it might be useful, you can do it privately and whilst practising self-care. Sometimes it can help to see a timeline or the sheer scale of what you have been subjected to in your life as a woman.

Thank you for reading.

Written by Dr Jessica Taylor

@drjesstaylor

Email jessica@victimfocus.org.uk

‘Men only target vulnerable women’ & other myths

Featured

Dr Jessica Taylor

15th October 2020

Content warning for rape, abuse and blaming of women and girls.

One of the biggest lies we’ve ever been fed is that women and girls have an innate vulnerability which causes sex offenders, domestic violence offenders and child abusers to spot them and target them.

I write this blog to dispel this powerful myth, and to reassure millions of women and girls that it wasn’t their ‘vulnerability’ which led to them being beaten up, abused, raped or harmed.

I want to make this argument in six points:

⁃ The vulnerability myth is based on some very old, and very shit science

⁃ We like to deny our own vulnerability by calling other people ‘vulnerable’

⁃ We teach children that only ‘vulnerable’ kids get abused and harmed

⁃ We have an oversimplified understanding of abusers and offenders

⁃ We don’t know how to tackle the global epidemic of male violence

⁃ Vulnerability does not lead to other humans committing crime

The message which I hope to convey is that ‘vulnerability’ is not the cause or the source of the abuse that women and girls are subjected to. Further, we have leant on this explanation so heavily that services, programmes, interventions and policies are based upon it, despite it being incorrect.

The vulnerability myth is based on some very old, and very shit science

Calling women and girls ‘vulnerable’ is so commonplace now, you might not even notice it. You might not notice that when a woman or girl is abused, someone will point out her ‘vulnerabilities’. You might not notice that the conversation often becomes about her background, her personality, her childhood or her understanding.

The truth is that this process of seeking and assessing ‘vulnerabilities’ of women and girls who have been abused and harmed is deeply embedded into social care, psychology, mental health, counselling, policing, legislation, education, law and justice.

To understand how we got to a place where we pick apart the woman or girl and lay out her ‘vulnerabilities’ as reasons for being raped, trafficked, abused or traumatised – we have to look at some of the old theories which have continued to influence our thinking.

One such theory is almost 80 years old, and comes from positivist victimology.

Key theorists in victimology and criminology as far back as 1948 argued that only certain types of people became victims of crime and often brought it upon themselves.

Hans Von Hentig wrote in Time Magazine (1948):

‘Certain characteristics of law-abiding citizens arouse a counter reaction in the criminal. The inexperienced businessman, for example, invites embezzlement; the nagging wife is flirting with murder; the alcoholic is a natural for robbery. Thus, the victim becomes the tempter.’

As you can see from this example, it is theorised that victims ‘tempt’ and ‘arouse’ criminals to commit crimes by being vulnerable, inexperienced – or… a woman.

Spoiler alert: There is a lot of misogyny in vulnerability theories and research.

Later victimology theorists such as Benjamin Mendelsohn and Stephen Schafer also suggested that victims caused crime by being weak, vulnerable, female, old, disabled or young. All three theorists suggested that victims precipitate crime by provoking offenders. Whilst this sounds somewhat outdated, these perspectives are alive and well.

Many theories within psychology and criminology still rely on the assumption that women subjected to sexual and domestic violence either brought the offence on themselves, should have done something to protect themselves, should have behaved in a different way or that their vulnerabilities led to the offender targeting and attacking them.

Victim precipitation theory and research suggests that victims precipitate a crime by their behaviour, vulnerability, character or even the way they walk. This research is still ongoing, and only recently I spoke to an academic who was conducting research into which women were ‘vulnerable’ to being raped by their gait and style of walking.

The argument goes that if a woman or girl walks in a way which is not confident or assertive, she gives off some sort of signal to offenders that she is vulnerable and would therefore be a good target for rape or abuse.

Walking isn’t the only thing which academics have suggested to be a vulnerability in women and girls – everything from their appearance to their childhood has been explored in the literature for decades. There are thousands of articles and studies which seek to name the ‘vulnerability factors’ of women and girls, with the aim of reducing them by changing something about that woman or girl.

Interestingly, the same cannot be said for men who are raped and abused, they are not generally discussed as if they were ‘vulnerable’ to offenders or ‘giving off signals’ to be raped or abused.

It’s as if we see rape as a violent crime when committed against men, but as natural process of taking of an opportunity of a weak person, when rape is committed against women.

The reason that I reject this research and these theories entirely is simple: none of it is true, and if you look hard enough for correlations, you’ll find them no matter what they are.

If I looked hard enough, I bet I could find a correlation between which vegetables women eat and being subjected to violence or abuse by men. The reality is that violence against women and girls is so common, that you can often find correlations that don’t really exist, purely based on how common one of the variables is.

I, and thousands of other professionals, have been working with abused women and girls for decades. Those of us who have done these jobs know that we come across women and girls from every background imaginable. I’ve never seen a particular personality, character, appearance, walk or background that has formed any sort of pattern in the women I have supported.

I’ve supported everyone from female MPs to child victims of trafficking. I’ve worked with lawyers and police officers who were being raped and abused by their husbands at home. I’ve worked with social workers who work in safeguarding teams every day and live in fear of their partners. I’ve worked with women who were experts in martial arts who were raped and beaten up by men. I’ve discussed experiences of abuse and rape with women in the military and women who are now veterans.

Equally, I’ve worked with women who have been in care since they were toddlers. I’ve supported girls who have been trafficked around the country. I’ve worked with girls who have never known a safe place to live and have struggled to get a decent meal.

I can’t think of any ‘vulnerability’ that any of these women or girls had in common. They were a mixture of confident, nervous, strong, terrified, healthy, unwell, believed, ignored, extrovert, introvert, popular, lonely, religious, atheist, old, young, poor, rich, supported and isolated women and girls.

The only thing they had in common was that they were females in a patriarchy, and that means that statistically, they are at constant risk from male violence.

We like to deny our own vulnerability by calling other women ‘vulnerable’

You might be wondering why we go to such efforts to name the vulnerability in the woman or girl.

My work, and the work of many others, explores the concept of ‘denial of personal vulnerability’.

Simply put, this means that we are all vulnerable at some level, but we like to pretend we are not.

We are vulnerable not because of innate characteristics or behaviours, but purely due to how common abuse and rape is. At any given time, any of us could be attacked, assaulted, abused, threatened, groomed or even murdered. But to think in such terms would leave most of us anxious and terrified to live a normal life, so we instead tell ourselves that it would never happen to us, because we are not ‘vulnerable’ like those other women and girls who are raped and abused.

We tell ourselves that we would never be that stupid, never be that trusting, never drink that much, never date that guy, never go to that place. We tell ourselves that we would ‘see the signs’. We tell ourselves that the first time he laid his hands on us, we would be out of the door.

It’s all bullshit, of course. But we like to redirect our own feelings of personal vulnerability by pointing the finger at victims and then picking out their ‘vulnerabilities’. We then say ‘ahhh, that’s why she was raped, well, I would never do that, I would never let that happen to me.’

It’s a defence mechanism. A coping strategy for living in a patriarchy. We blame and name other women and girls as ‘vulnerable’ so we don’t ever have to face the fact that it could happen to us.

This is true even when academics write papers about ‘vulnerabilities’ of women and girls subjected to male violence. The difference is, they get to dress it up with big words, theories and titles so that we all nod and agree. It must be the vulnerabilities of the victims! Of course!

We teach children that only ‘vulnerable’ kids get abused and harmed

We invest a huge amount of time and effort into convincing each other that only the vulnerable will be abused, raped and harmed. This starts early, as early as primary school.

Children are taught in PSHE, assemblies and workshops that only the vulnerable children will be abused or groomed. Resources from everywhere from NSPCC to Barnardo’s have endorsed the myth that only the vulnerable children will be abused, and that if we remove their ‘vulnerabilities’ they will be safe from sex offenders and child abusers.

It’s again, all total rubbish. But that doesn’t stop us from showing children videos, resources and sessions which encourage them to identify the ‘vulnerability’ of the child who is raped and abused. It also doesn’t stop us from constructing entire vulnerability assessments in professional practice which erroneously attempt to identify which vulnerabilities of the child caused the abuse, so we can ‘solve’ them.

A common example of this is when professionals conclude that a girl has been exploited or raped because she didn’t ‘have enough education about consent and healthy relationships’.

This leads to plans around the child which suggest that increasing her knowledge of consent and abuse will protect her from the sex offender who is exploiting her, because once she has more knowledge, she will use the knowledge to defend herself and protect herself better.

This completely ignores the fact that even the most educated professionals who work in abuse every day, are still just as likely to be abused as anyone else. There has been no research which suggests that knowledge of abuse is protective. It is educative at best. This is because power dynamics and the choice to commit violent crime against women and girls has literally fuck all to do with the victim and has everything to do with the motivation and personal choices of the offender.

If we are to tackle this myth, we need to look at why we embed it from such an early age in girls and boys around the world.

We have an oversimplified understanding of abusers and offenders

One of them main issues we have is that whilst we like to scream ‘monster’ and ‘pervert’ and ‘paedo’ at offenders, we don’t actually get taught anything about these men. This leads to serious misunderstandings about offenders who commit domestic and sexual violence offences.

One such misunderstanding is that offenders carefully seek out and then deliberately target the most vulnerable women and girls in society.

This is very easily disproved, especially as direct qualitative research with sex offenders and domestic violence offenders shows that men who commit these crimes target their victims for hundreds of reasons, most of which have absolutely nothing to do with vulnerability.

In interviews, sex offenders have said that they targeted girls because they liked their hair, their tights, their body shape and their smile. Sex offenders report targeting children because they are confident and happy. Some talk about their specific sexual fantasies. Some only target girls of certain ages and ethnicities. Some sex offenders report not caring who their victims are at all, and will rape and abuse any child they can.

When it comes to online sex offending, there is plenty of evidence that sex offenders target children and adults randomly, based on whoever responds first and in a way they want. This means they can literally use a scattergun approach to attack and groom hundreds of victims per day, and never know anything about their so-called ‘vulnerabilities’.

In chat logs of sex offenders abusing children which were analysed by Kloess et al. (2017), most offenders never even asked for details about the child. They were not seeking vulnerabilities to exploit. They were targeting hundreds of different kids. They had very little in common.

With the abuse and grooming of adult women, the same can be said. It is seen as ‘common knowledge’ that abusers target vulnerable women – and yet, many offenders actually target assertive and confident women who spend the rest of their lives wondering how that man managed to grind them down and destroy their sense of self.

The reality is, for lots of misogynists, destroying confident and healthy women is part of the fun. It’s part of the kick they get out of belittling and humiliating her. Why would an offender always target vulnerable women, when they enjoy breaking down women and controlling them?

The vulnerability theory is just myth. It suggests that offenders don’t target or abuse ‘strong’ women, and that if you are a strong woman, it shouldn’t ever happen to you.

This is particularly true for Black women who are generally positioned as strong, aggressive matriarchs due to racism. So it’s even harder for Black women to be seen as victims of abuse and male violence, because we assume they are all ‘strong, assertive’ women who would never be targeted by abusers. There has been much written about this phenomenon, and it deserves a lot more attention. Especially as it exposes so fluently, the stereotypes we use to build the ‘perfect victim’, and what happens when you as a woman, sit outside of that perfect victim stereotype.

If you are not seen as vulnerable or weak, you can often be positioned as a liar or a malicious ex.

It’s almost as if we believe that all victims of male violence must be inherently vulnerable women and girls, and they are not vulnerable, they are not real victims.

We don’t know how to tackle the global epidemic of male violence

This is probably fairly obvious, but we don’t actually know how to (and there is very little appetite for) challenge and end global, systemic male violence.

We did get to a point where we started to take notice of the fact that 97-99% of all violent crime is committed by men globally, and that we had to do something about the way men and boys were being socialised and brought up to regard fighting, violence, sexual power, competition and bullying as masculine traits to aim for.

However, more recently, we have seemingly gone backwards. When we talk about male violence or male crime stats, we are shouted down and told we are misandrists and man-hating feminist bitches, (ironic, but okay).

It seems that if we cannot even publicly address decades of solid evidence and statistics, we definitely cannot work towards tackling male violence yet. As much as I would love to see that for the good of our entire species, you can lead a horse to water but you cannot force it to drink.

Everyone knows the reality of violent crime, but many are reluctant to do anything with it.

We’ve now moved away from holding men responsible (again) and gone back towards positivist theories of victim precipitation and vulnerability.

Vulnerability in one human does not lead to other humans committing crime

My final message has to be the clearest.

It does not matter how vulnerable a woman or girl is, it never ever ‘causes’ another human with free will to choose to abuse, rape or kill them.

Absolutely nothing inside that victim has any power or effect on the choice-making of an offender.

They are capable and competent adults who make active choices to harm women and girls for one reason:

Because they want to.

You don’t need any other theories. Offenders do it, ultimately, because they want to. That’s why they are able to keep their cool with their boss, or their best mate, or some dickhead they play footy with – but ‘lose their cool’ with their girlfriend at home or abuse little girls.

This isn’t about vulnerability of the woman or girl, it’s about a choice that is made by a misogynistic, violent offender who wants to abuse and harm women and girls (and in some cases, children in general rather than just girls).

Let me explain something to everyone reading this blog:

If vulnerabilities lead to some sort of human arousal or temptation in us to exploit or abuse or kill weaker humans, we would all do it (or at least the majority of us). And yet, not only do the majority of humans not commit these crimes, but women hardly commit any.

Globally, women are only responsible for around 2% of violent crime. So does this mean that victim precipitation theory only applies to male offenders and female victims?

If the vulnerability theories were real, that would mean that if you came across a drunk woman, accidentally separated from her friends and lost in the high street, you would think ‘she’s vulnerable and alone, I could do something to her right now!’

But you don’t, do you?

Most of us have never had a thought like that in our lives.

You might instead see her and think ‘shit, she’s alone, is she okay?’

Or you might approach her and ask her if she’s safe, and where her friends are. You might ring an ambulance or police if needed. You might help her back to somewhere safe like a taxi rank or a bar where her friends were.

That’s because you made a CHOICE.

100 people could walk past her and the majority would see all of her so-called ‘vulnerabilities’ and either try to help her or not stop at all.

And yet a handful may stop and make a choice to harm her, rape her, rob her or kill her.

Her ‘vulnerabilities’ had nothing to do with it. It is all about the active choice making of the offender.

It is ALWAYS the choice of the offender.

Vulnerability of women is just a myth used to distract us from the real cause of male violence: men.

Written by Dr Jessica Taylor

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